This is one of a series of obnoxious stories I wrote in parody of the sort of tales people tell late at night around a campfire--I never did get around to writing any ghost stories for the series though . . .
campfire stories:  
alien abduction at lover's lane 

by ShitEd 

    It started out as a fairly normal friday night date for Joey and Susan: early evening spent cheering their high school football team to victory, a stop at Astro Drive-In Burgers to celebrate with friends, and finally a short spin down to the parking spot at the bluffs overlooking the West River for a little ball action. Joey was a pretty popular batter, he'd make it to first base for sure, second almost certainly, third was a definite possibility, but like all batters with a heavy swing Joey was hoping for an in-the-park home run. Susan was a big, plump girl, but she had a reputation as a reliable player who could really use her head. At minimum Joey looked forward to Susan giving him a hand with anything that came up.  
    It soon turned out that Susan was a player who preferred to really strip down for action. Their clothes were a tangled pile on the front seat, while they themselves were a tangle of limbs and glandular members in the back. The Chevy was a-bouncin' and the windows were a-steamin' as Joey's pent-up excitement from watching the cheerleaders' skirts fly up, and Susan's from watching all those big strong footballers bend over in their tight white pants, released itself in spasms of mutually satisfying ballplay. Home run followed home run. Susan's much-deserved reputation as a player had preceded her, and would follow her, too, even more as Joey passed along the word to every other guy in school who swung a heavy bat on the weekends.  
    It was between scores, and the condensation on the inside of the windows of Joey's '55 Bel-Air were forming drops that ran down the glass, leaving a few vertical streaks. Suddenly the inside of the car lit up with a blindingly bright, yet diffuse blaze of white light.  
    "Wonder who that is?" grumbled the boy.  
    "I just hope it's not the Sheriff!" she answered.  
    She leaned forward over the bench seat to grope around for her blouse and skirt in the glare to which her eyes had not yet adjusted. Joey wiped the glass with his hands--first on one side, then on the other--but couldn't locate the headlights. Then it dawned on him that the light was hitting them from ABOVE.  
    The keys were still in the ignition. Joey jumped into the front with a loud "Let's get outta here!"  
    At the same time Susan had decided that she would sort out her clothes easier if she was in front with them. They collided above the back of the seat and sprawled together in a pile in front. The intense light went out--as suddenly as it had appeared. The late model Chevy began to vibrate and rock both side-to-side and front-to-back in a darkness neither could see anything through. Susan shrieked and grabbed cloth at random to wrap around herself, with her leavings going to Joey as he attempted to dress also. Everything felt wrong, but in his haste and panic he paid little attention. The car was now doing donuts like a 45 record on a big turntable. This was NOT happening.  
    He started the engine with the clutch in, as he had left it in first gear to supplement the parking brake. As soon as the motor caught he revved and popped the clutch. The engine raced like it was up on blocks. For the first time the situation exceeded his restraint as a gentleman.  
    "What the fuck!"  
    "Joey! Watch your language!" she chided him in shock.  
    But Joey didn't care. He had rolled down the driver's side window, and was now watching the lights of the City of Riverdales swiftly receding thousands of feet below and behind them.  
    "We're flying, Soouie!"  
    "WHAT did you call me?" she demanded angrily.  
    "I said we're fuckin' flyin', okay? And that's what all the guys call you in school."  
    "But that's how you call a PIG!"  
    Joey didn't reply. He had worse things to worry about than whether he'd ever get to home base again with Soouie Sue. Because home itself was far away and already out of sight. He stuck his head out and craned his neck to look upward. SOMETHING was up there. It showed no lights, but its bulk blotted out the stars in a vast disc directly overhead.  
    "I'm not going to stand for being talked to in that manner, Mr. Joseph Norman Bates! I'm WALKING home! And just for your information, YOU are known as "Master Bates", so THERE!"  
    With that shot she opened her door and started to get out. Her right foot went down and kept going down. She screamed and snatched at the door, missed--and was headed for long yardage--but the boy grabbed her left forearm with both hands. That was a mistake on his part because he wasn't braced against the inside of the car. Her weight pulled both of them out into the open air.  
    Both of them experienced electric pains shooting through their chests as they waited to fall to their deaths. And waited. And waited.  
    Against all common sense they were floating in midair alongside Joey's blue Bel-Air. Then something changed in the way their bodies felt--like their weight was suddenly wrong. The black disc above seemed to cover the entire sky as the petrified pair were pulled into it by an unknown force. The blackness became universal. The world went away for them.  
    When Susan awoke she was in her accustomed position: lying on her back. Strange looking creatures with blue skin and no noses were pulling away her clothes and prodding her with instruments. They stuck things inside her--not merely into the usual places like mouth, anus and vagina--but directly into and through her skin without breaking it. Then she went into shock as they began taking her apart. There was no pain and no blood, but they opened her skin like they had unzipped a pair of overalls. Next they removed her breasts. Then they opened her abdomen and soon all of her insides were floating in the air in front of her while the blue people applied small hand-held machines to her innards. Somehow through it all, she kept breathing normally.  
    Joey didn't accept the same sort of treatment with such calm philosophy. He wasn't used to having anything shoved inside him and began screaming "Faggots! Faggots!" as soon as the blue aliens inserted an instrument into his rectum. Like Susan, he was paralyzed from the neck down, and could only rage impotently as the blue "faggots" first penetrated him intimately, then unravelled his insides. But it was the sight of his own genitalia floating in the air like a sausage with two meatballs on the side that sent him over the edge.  
    With a superhuman effort--born of desperation at the sight of his bat and balls suspended in the air--Joey somehow threw off the aliens' paralysis. He jumped to his feet off the table and punched the several skinny aliens out cold. A floating cloud of organs trailed his battling figure. He looked bizarre because there was nothing in his guts except desperate determination. To his left was Susan on another table. He ran over to her and tried to pick her up and carry her off to safety-somewhere. Joey wasn't thinking any too clearly. He stood looking around in confusion for someplace "safe" to take her. Both their organs formed an intermingled cloud around them. A section of wall opened up in front of them and a much larger alien stepped through. It pointed an instrument at them that rayed them with a cone of pale radiation. For a second time all went black.  
    When they awoke dawn was just breaking over the West River. They were sitting side-by-side in the front seat of the Chevy, parked once more at Lover's Lane. Their guts were in place and they were both dressed. Joey and Susan looked at one another, then Susan spoke.  
    "WhatEVER are you doing wearing my clothes? You look silly wearing my bra on the outside of the blouse. Take them off NOW and gimme!"  
    In disgust Joey stripped the bra and blouse off himself, then stopped dumbfounded at the sight of a pair of large plump breasts hanging off his chest. A sudden fear gripped his groin. He lifted the skirt, ripped off the panties and grabbed his own crotch with both hands. He fingers sank into the moist warmth of a vertical slit. He mewled like a kitten in pain.  
    Susan watched the whole performance in quiet astonishment. Slowly she unbuttoned the madras-plaid dress shirt she was wearing and removed it. Her chest was flat, with mere rudimentary nipples. In wonder she stripped off the slacks and boxers, and took a firm grip around the fat penis she found growing between her legs. Slowly she stroked it to a throbbing ruddy erection.  
    "That's MY peter!" complained Joey in a voice choked with feeling as a primal nightmare closed down around him.  
    Susan smiled and rolled over on top of him, pressing him down into the bench seat with her weight.  
    "You're right. It is. Here--let me give it to you."  
    With a grunt she spread his thighs with her knees--exactly as he had done to her hours earlier--and thrust her hard-on inside of his vagina. Susan covered his mouth with her own, kissing him to silence any possible protest. For the next ten minutes she humped away inside him. After she had orgasmed and filled him with her sperm, she lay on top of him and stroked the sweaty hair off of his forehead--exactly as he was wont to do to her.  
    "Darling," she said sarcastically, "Soouie Sue is going to pork you every day from now on. And after we graduate you are going to marry me.  
    "If you give me any trouble," she went on "I'll tell everyone we know what a REAL cunt you are. So get used to it ... Darling."  
    He lay underneath her gaping in shock at what had occurred.  
    "Remember darling," she purred, "The spacemen have spoken. I wear the pants in the family now."