DEAD LAZLO'S PLACE

DEAD LAZLO'S PLACE  was interviewed on February 12, 1997 at the Speed Semen Clove
Factory Recording Studio in North Hollywood, California.  Pookie Musclehead interviewed them
during a dinner break from mixing their new LP. Present were all five members and engineer, Michael
Rozon.

POOKIE: Why did you guys start a band?
CHRIS: That's a stupid fucking question. Why did you start a fuckin' band? Why the fuck do you think we
started a band?
POOKIE: Cause you're losers and can't do anything else.
GIZZ: Exactly!
JEFF: Cause we all wanted to get laid. Rock 'n Roll!
POOKIE: Yeah, but you guys are married and still can't get laid. So what's the point?
JEFF: Chris is married. The rest of us are single.
GIZZ: We started bands a long time ago, this band got started just because we had nothing else to do and we all wanted to play music.
CHRIS: And a lot of the other bands we were in sucked.
GIZZ: So we all got together and started playing.
POOKIE: Why is it important to play music?
GIZZ: I like playing music. I like listening to music. Music is a very important part of my life and I like listening to it and I like doing it. That's it.
POOKIE: Rozon, Why would you let losers like this into your studio to stink it up and take away from your clove smoke and like turn it into stink and like pot smoke?
ROZON: Well someone had to interview them.
POOKIE: So how popular is your band?
CHRIS: We suck and everyone hates us.
POOKIE: Well I knew that but I expected you to lie. It's an interview.
CHRIS: We don't lie. That's against our Christian upbringing.
IKE: We could say that we're more popular than Jesus Christ but we'd get in a lot of trouble for that.
POOKIE: So what makes you guys so punk?
GIZZ & CHRIS: We're not punk! We're Metal!
CHRIS: Yeah, we're a heavy metal band, dude!
POOKIE: Besides the gladiator armor, what makes you guys so heavy metal?
JEFF: The fact that we're fuckin' not punk dude, didn't you hear!
CHRIS: And the leather cod pieces man! I mean come on dude, we got our cool heavy metal tattoos and Ike's got hair. Show him your hair Ike.
IKE: I swear, I've got hair.
CHRIS: Take your thing out and go...bang your head bro.
POOKIE: Somebody just told me they saw Cannibal Corpse and they were like twirling their hair in unison like cheerleaders, you know they had the hair swishing...like this way then they went this way, all in unison.
GIZZ: That's not possible.
CHRIS: Dude I heard the new Cannibal Corpse and it sounds like NOFX. Fuck you. Come on now, even they sold out. 
POOKIE: So how much sex does being in a band get you?
CHRIS: None.
GIZZ: I get a lot of sex from my girlfriend.
POOKIE: That doesn't count.
JEFF: I get discounts on my porno's from my fuckin' video store.
POOKIE: Do you guys got a bitchen tour van?
GIZZ: Yeah we do. We got the best tour van.
IKE: Fuck yeah.
GIZZ: It's stolen! Ssshhh.
JEFF: Chris! Why are you always fuckin' knocking shit over man? Damn!
GIZZ: We got it from A.G.C.
CHRIS: We're like the total sponsored fuckin' rock 'n roll band.
POOKIE: If you guys could be sponsored by a corporation which one would it be?
JEFF: IBM.
CHRIS: Anheuser Busch.
JEFF: Calvin Klein, Sofia Loren, Maybeline, Vicks Anal Rub.
GIZZ: Massingill.
CHRIS: Oh you gotta see it. It's got wings.
JEFF: You're never too fresh to douche.
GIZZ: A little OB.
POOKIE: So do you guys have any stuff coming out?
GIZZ: We've got a 7" out on Fearless Records right now called "Turn Up The Suck!!".
POOKIE: So what's the next thing you're putting out? Is your next piece a vinyl or CD?
GIZZ: Well, we've just finished recording a full-length LP called "Lonely Street".
POOKIE: Who's putting it out?
IKE: Capital, I heard?
GIZZ: Last I heard they were talking about it.
POOKIE: Would you guys sign to a major?
GIZZ: I would sign to a major. I really don't give a fuck! Whoever's gonna help us is who we're gonna sign with. I guess Bob Becker said he might put it out. As of right now though I'd have to say, I don't know?
POOKIE: Ike, how do you feel about being named after a wife beater?
IKE: Is Ike a wife beater?
POOKIE: Ike Turner, how do you feel about that?
STEVE: He's was a great guy.
CHRIS: He was named after Eisenhower mother-fucker.
IKE: That's right.
CHRIS: A real American man and don't fuckin' disgrace the name okay.
GIZZ: Yeah. Drop the n.
IKE: Someday I aspire to be as bald as that mother-fucker.
POOKIE: When did you guys get started with this band?
GIZZ: In 1990. Then again in 1993 or 1994. I can't remember.
POOKIE: Why?
CHRIS: Because...we wanted this like really fuckin' like...fuckin' like thing you know like, and fuckin' like...like...you know fuck.
POOKIE: Quit talking like Rozon's fuckin' step-son.
STEVE: What he said, yeah.
GIZZ: Okay you want to know the story? We met in Boise, Idaho in prison.
CHRIS: We were all fuckin' doing time as we were all wanted by the law.
GIZZ: Wait a minute. Is this true confession or are we on?
CHRIS: So like we all met in the jails plumber program. Legally that's all I'm really allowed to say.
POOKIE: So why did you start a band?
STEVE: It was either that or being a gang-banger.
CHRIS: Well you see, you know like in High School you have to take those aptitude tests?
POOKIE: Yeah.
CHRIS: We scored musician, just under brain dead.
POOKIE: You decided you were too white for gang-bangin', Chris?
CHRIS: Fuck yeah man. I'm fuckin' big and goofy. What do you want? I ain't tough, but you gotta sleep sometime man.
POOKIE: You could've been a science teacher?
CHRIS: More like a history teacher man.
POOKIE: So what do you think is different since all you guys are old punk rock muchacho's. What's different today than from years ago?
CHRIS: We're bitter. We're angry. We're drunk. We're bitter.
POOKIE: Like I said, what's different?
GIZZ: I think I was happy back then.
STEVE: Why do you want it to be different? There's a pressure from all of this difference. Be nice damn it!
POOKIE: Alright.
CHRIS: We don't aspire to be anything, we just want to die.
POOKIE: You just want to die?
CHRIS: Yes we do.
POOKIE: Then why do you have a band?
CHRIS: So we can die in style.
POOKIE: Who says your bands so stylish?
JEFF: I just want to fuckin' make it big so I can get lots of money and get hooked on really expensive dope.
POOKIE: Instead of cheap pot and beer?
JEFF: Heroin is so much fuckin' cooler.
CHRIS: Totally, man.
POOKIE: How do you feel about recording in a bat dungeon with Satan?
JEFF: We just wish we could afford better.
GIZZ: We love it.
CHRIS: Drugs that is. We sold our souls so we could record here man.
GIZZ: And we still owe.
CHRIS: I'm sorry. Did I say that?
GIZZ: Is this an all ages magazine?
POOKIE: Yeah it is.
GIZZ: Really? We don't do much of these all ages things.
POOKIE: Why?
GIZZ: I don't like kids. I hated myself when I was a kid.
CHRIS: Children should be seen and not heard.
POOKIE: If you guys had more money would you still record here?
GIZZ: Yes.
POOKIE: Why?
CHRIS: 'Cause we can do whatever the fuck we want.
JEFF: Michael gives good sound.
GIZZ: I like what he does.
POOKIE: Doesn't it bother you a little that he's French?
STEVE: I didn't know that. Maybe we won't.
CHRIS: Well I can over look that as long as he doesn't watch Jerry Lewis movies. And since he doesn't even own a TV...
POOKIE: He's lying. He whips it out in private.
CHRIS: That's fine as long as I'm not subjected to watch Jerry Lewis movies.
GIZZ: Are we still talking about his TV?
POOKIE: What's your favorite Led Zeppelin song?
GIZZ: I hate Led Zeppelin!
STEVE: Fuck Led Zeppelin!
POOKIE: Well I thought you were stoners?
GIZZ: Stoners yes, but I fuckin' hate Led Zeppelin.
POOKIE: Okay, what your favorite ZZ Top song?
STEVE: Now that can be answered.
GIZZ: Mine would have to be "Heard It On The X".
STEVE: That's a good one.
POOKIE: People pay to see you. Are you boring when they come to see you?
GIZZ: No, if you want to come and see us, great. You'll laugh your ass off. You'll have a fuckin' great time. You'll want to drink and have a good-ol'-time!
POOKIE: Really? Is that even for straightedged kids? They'll want to drink?
GIZZ: Yes.
JEFF: Absolutely! Most likely something caffinated.
POOKIE: What about the Mormons?
JEFF: Squirt for the Mormons.
POOKIE: They don't have soft drinks pal. Do they?
JEFF: Yes they do, I was raised Mormon. I should know!
POOKIE: So anyways, why did you guys start a band?
CHRIS: We started a band so we could do real stupid interviews with fanzine geeks. I mean we just love to talk about ourselves, because we're so goddamn fucking important...And we're gonna change the world man, you know like with this "Youth Army" and shit, and like you know, "Kids don't do drugs." 'Cause that's a bad thing.
ROZON: Cause there'll be less for us.
CHRIS: Totally! Totally! Do as say, not as I do. We're gonna crush capitalism bro. But like you know, not in a good way.
POOKIE: So are you trying to insinuate that some of those Possi-guys are full of shit?
CHRIS: Fuck yeah! 
JEFF: We're just gonna try to reinstate gill net fishing.
STEVE: I love that shit. I caught a few the other day.
POOKIE: Hey Flipper called and told me to say to fuck off.
JEFF: Fuckin' dolphin soup, yum yum.
POOKIE: Come on this a politically correct fanzine.
GIZZ: I could give a fuck...Bill Maher Rules!
POOKIE: What do you think about Bosnia?
STEVE: Who?
POOKIE: You guys don't know about Bosnia?
JEFF: They're getting back together? I fuckin' hate that band. Everybody's getting back together, Journey, Kansas, Bosnia, Asia.
CHRIS: You fuckin' rule man.
POOKIE: So have you guys ever heard yourselves on the radio and get that warm fuzzy feeling?
CHRIS: I've never heard us on the radio. Oh no I did, but it was a tape of it. So they could've been lying. And I didn't get a warm fuzzy feeling.
POOKIE: Have you guys toured anywhere besides San Diego?
JEFF: Yeah. Sunland. We did Foothill, Tujunga and Montrose.
STEVE: Hey don't forget Commerce.
GIZZ: Montrose got canceled.
JEFF: That's right it did.
CHRIS: But we did Shadow Hills, we were held over two nights there.
JEFF: It was only supposed to be a three hour tour.
POOKIE: Hey you know what? That will sound really cool to people who don't live around L.A. People who don't know where Montrose and all those places are. They won't know that they're only 5 feet apart from each other.
JEFF: Glad you didn't tell them.
GIZZ: We like to keep that shit separate.
POOKIE: What do your girlfriends and wives think of the band?
GIZZ: They like it but they hate it.
POOKIE: So what's that supposed to mean?
GIZZ: I guess they like the music, but they don't like that we're never home. We're always jammin', drinkin' beers, smokin' dope, or just hangin' out together...doing the same things.
CHRIS: Shooting heroin.
STEVE: They deal with it. They must like it cause they're still there you know.
POOKIE: What do think your parents would think to see you, a bunch of drunk musicians smoking dope and playing crappy music with dead end jobs?
STEVE: My parents are drunker than me.
GIZZ: My parents have seen me, New Year's Eve.
CHRIS: First off Steve's mom probably been to like 90% of our shows. Even some of the out of state ones. Gizz' parents have seen us.
POOKIE: Why do you guys drink so much?
CHRIS: We're alcoholics.
GIZZ: We're all pretty much good at it.
STEVE: It's fun.
JEFF: Cause when you recycle aluminum it's almost a dollar per pound now.
GIZZ: You know why I do it. 'Cause I like to see how much I can drink in an hour and then...
CHRIS: See if you can beat it by one.
GIZZ: Yeah, see if I can beat that...by two or by three.
CHRIS: Make a game of it you know.
POOKIE: What's your favorite beer?
DLP: Budweiser!!!
POOKIE: Have any of you guys ever been busted for D.U.I.?
GIZZ: No.
JEFF: No.
CHRIS: Nope, don't drink and drive. It's bad for you.
IKE: I've taken three drunk tests but...never got arrested.
STEVE: I've been tested a couple of times.
GIZZ: No D.U.I.s in this band. Surprising since we all drink like mother-fuckers. Six hundred ninety beers but now we got what forty-eight more?
POOKIE: In how many hours is that?
GIZZ: A hundred and ninety-six plus.
POOKIE: So do your wives know you blow all your money on pot and beer?
GIZZ: Yeah, my ol' lady does that too.
CHRIS: Yes. It's the American way man.
GIZZ: No that's the Mexican way.
JEFF: We steal everything.
POOKIE: Isn't stealing wrong? I thought you guys were a Christian band?
JEFF: We are but we steal for God. We believe God...
POOKIE: Well God has all he can so you know...
CHRIS: Hey man it's like Robin Hood-lum.
GIZZ: God's got my nut stashed away somewhere, so enough about him already.
POOKIE: So why did you guys start a band?
GIZZ: Didn't we fuckin' already answer that fuckin' question you fuckin' idiot?
STEVE: So we can carry guns across the United States.
POOKIE: What guns do you own?
JEFF: I've got a Glock 22 40-caliber with a laser sight. I've AMT 380. I've got a Colt 45 and I've got a Kimmel SR-9 with two 40 round magazines.
GIZZ: My cats breath smells like cat food.
POOKIE: Do you hunt?
JEFF: I used to when I was a child. I used to deer hunt.
POOKIE: Really? What did the deers ever do to you?
JEFF: Nothing. That's was the best fuckin' part about it. That's why I work at an animal hospital now. I get pure fuckin' pleasure from killing animals every chance I get.
POOKIE: Are you guys for gun control?
GIZZ: No.
POOKIE: You're not?
GIZZ: Yeah.
CHRIS: Everyone's carrying a gun.
JEFF: I say there should be gun control.
POOKIE: Why?
STEVE: I've got my own rules on guns.
JEFF: Because everybody should be able to control there own gun. You know what I mean?
POOKIE: You'd just want to shoot off randomly you know...
JEFF: As long as they're in control...
GIZZ: As long as they don't shoot in the air...
JEFF: ...then that's fine. As long as they are in control of there gun then I'm fuckin' down with gun control.
POOKIE: Do you really believe that when you shoot your gun up in the air on New Year's, that your bullet doesn't vanish off into the atmosphere? Or that it really is coming down and striking little kids in the head? Or do you think that's police propaganda, because they don't want you to blow away there little helicopters?
JEFF: Okay now. Now I will answer this okay, properly. Everybody, is that okay if I answer this? It's full propaganda by the police, because they all know that it's aliens that actually fuckin' snag the bullets while they're going into space, and they don't allow them back down to earth because the take them then they study the bullets, and the Government is hiding this from you and that's why they don't want you to shoot it up in the air because they're afraid you will actually see the spaceships. 
CHRIS: Did you know that O.J. actually did it but space aliens made him do it?
JEFF: The fuckin' bath tub's dirty and the fuckin' lawn needs a mow.
CHRIS: Steve, he's doing you.
POOKIE: What do plan on doing with band in the future?
CHRIS: Selling out, making money and destroying capitalism as we know it.
POOKIE: Hey wait a minute, one just killed the other one? You can't sell out if you destroy capitalism?
CHRIS: Sure we can cause once we hit the top we'll fuckin' use our supernatural fuckin' subhuman powers. We're Passive Christian Vegetarians.
GIZZ: P.C.V. Homez!
POOKIE: What do you guys think of Ebonics?
CHRIS: Is that like a hair care product? I use Aqua Net man.
POOKIE: When they started talking about Ebonics. I thought it was something to with the Ebola virus. Like Ebonics was something you caught from the Ebola virus.
STEVE: Ah man, you're a dumb ass!
POOKIE: How do you feel about Germans from Der Fatherland backing out on their record promises?
CHRIS: Go ahead, reopen that wound man.
GIZZ: Fuck him. Fuck Mario Weltmann. Fuck Fire Engine. Fuck Gift Of Life!
POOKIE: Why do you say that?
GIZZ: He's a goddamn fuckin'...
JEFF: He owes people money, he owes labels money. I've got nothing bad to say about Mario, except that he's a piece of shit and fuckin' doesn't keep to his word...what comes around goes around to people like that.
POOKIE: Anybody else you hate?
CHRIS: Sure yeah we hate everybody.
POOKIE: Why? I thought you were hippies who smoke dope?
CHRIS: We're not hippies. We smoke crack!
POOKIE: Ike, what made you leave that semi-decent band you were in and join this band?
IKE: The last band I was in was the BadTown Boys and they fuckin' packed it up...
POOKIE: I was talking about the one before that, the Electric Ferrets?
IKE: That was a fun band. It was just...
CHRIS: They became Christians. Never trust a Christian.
IKE: Yeah. Everybody got tired of playing rock 'n roll so...
POOKIE: So that's when they started not being fun, because they were Christians?
IKE: No.
GIZZ: Hey I was a Christian and I wasn't fun.
POOKIE: You're not fun now.
CHRIS: Sure he is man.
GIZZ: That's why I'm not a Christian anymore.
JEFF: Hey at least he drinks now. You know.
POOKIE: What bands have you been in Jeff?
JEFF: Turkey is 98% fat free compared to beef.
POOKIE: Hey are you a fuckin' spokesman for the poultry industry?
JEFF: You're blocking the way to my pot dude, look out.
POOKIE: Oh no man, I don't want to do that. People die when they get in the way of Jeff's pot. So Steve, are you capable of eating and not get sauce on yourself?
JEFF: That's ringworm man.
STEVE: That's just my first STD draining through my shirt. I'm quite proud of it.
POOKIE: So who are your favorite local promoters?
JEFF: That's a great fuckin' question.
JEFF & CHRIS: There are none!
POOKIE: How come you don't like promoters?
JEFF: There's nothing wrong with promoters, just the ones around here.
POOKIE: So are you saying all the promoters around here suck?
GIZZ: L.A. sucks man, there's too many bad bands around here that suck including us.
CHRIS: Even I hate us.
POOKIE: Then why are you in a band you hate? Is it for the money or the girls?
GIZZ & CHRIS: For the money.
CHRIS: Being in a band never got me laid. That's a fuckin' myth.
IKE: Never made me much money either.
CHRIS: Anyone who wants to cry about it...you might get laid...probably more often than you get paid.
POOKIE: Would you recommend a career in rock 'n roll to anyone else?
STEVE: Yes.
CHRIS: Naw. We don't need the competition.
GIZZ: We told you man. We're a fuckin' Metal band . It's all about sex, drugs and rock 'n roll.
CHRIS: We're all about Satan man! We're all about Satan!
STEVE: If it wasn't fuckin' fun, we wouldn't do it! And that's it.
POOKIE: Steve, so do you work and if so, is it fun?
STEVE: Yeah. I'm a Coordinates Adjuster slash, Relocation Specialist slash, Attitude Adjustment...fuckin'...Enhancer.
POOKIE: Is it fun?
STEVE: Is it fun? It's very fun.
POOKIE: Well if you said it wasn't fun, would you still do it? 
STEVE: I do things that aren't fun also.
POOKIE: Who were you gonna vote for President?
GIZZ: I don't vote.
CHRIS: He's a convicted felon man.
POOKIE: Are you?
CHRIS: Yes, and an illegal alien.
POOKIE: So do want a bunch of labels to offer you lots of money?
CHRIS: Fuck Yeah!
JEFF: No, we just want to play.
POOKIE: That's it, you don't want any money?
JEFF: If it comes along, great.
CHRIS: I want money.
STEVE: There's no more beer?
CHRIS: I want someone to give us guitars.
POOKIE: You don't have guitars?
CHRIS: No we don't.
GIZZ: They have shitty guitars. The whole lot of em. Everything Chris touches gets out of tune.
POOKIE: Anything else you'd like to say?
GIZZ: Yes I would thank you! I want to tell you Flipsiders (this interview was originally intended for Flipside, but it's too old now -Ed), I send things to you guys and you guys never come out. AND I've got something to say about one of your goddamn writers, Bob Cantu. That mother-fucker can chuppa mi fuckin' huevo man. That fuckin' dickhead, he can write reviews on shows he goes to, but he can't even mention our name. He mentions the opening band, the third band, and the goddamn headliner, but can't even mention our name? That's complete bullshit! I mean I don't want no paragraph or anything. Just give credit that we played that night. Don't be a cock-sucker and gyp us on press. You covered all the other bands that night. That just ain't cool.
POOKIE: So what you're telling me is, you're challenging Bob to a Nude Greek oil-wrestling match?
CHRIS: No. If he agrees to fight Anarchy of Foreign Object, sure.
GIZZ: I'll take him in the ring. Me and Bob Cantu in the ring. Fuck him. FUCK BOB CANTU!
POOKIE: Who else do you hate?
CHRIS: That list is endless.
GIZZ: I don't hate anyone. I'm a peaceful guy. Peace man.
POOKIE: So what your craziest gig there?
CHRIS: We beat up a bunch of little kids in Las Vegas or Jeff did anyways.
POOKIE: Why did you beat up little kids in Las Vegas?
GIZZ: The cave we played in. It was just all dusty and these kids were slammin'. So I decided to go have a
little fun with them and I went around once...
STEVE: And Gizz falls down.
GIZZ: So I fuckin' tripped on a rock and I didn't want to fall by myself and look like an idiot. So I took a couple of kids down and Jeff thought they were beating the shit out of me. So he fuckin' jumped off the drums set, went over there, grabbed a little kid and threw him against a rock and told him, " I'm gonna kick the living shit out of you!", then...
STEVE: He realized it was a child.
GIZZ: There was about 200 kids there...we were the oldest fuckin' people there man, all these kids were like 18 and under and drunker than we were.
POOKIE: Is that possible?
GIZZ: Yes.
JEFF: Actually...Chris was the oldest person there.
CHRIS No, that's not true.
STEVE: That's not true, my mother was there.
JEFF: I think Chris is older than Steve's mom.
POOKIE: Gizz. Why did you choke a kid with a mic chord?
GIZZ: Oh that? We played in Corona somewhere and there was this kid giving me looks acting all tough and shit. So when he sat on the stage with his back towards me, I flung my chord over his head and you know...choked him. Fuckin' asshole. Fuck Bob Cantu! That's all I got say about that.
JEFF: Why do you keep fuckin' bringing up his name? I fuckin' hate that guy. Let me tell you something about fuckin' Bob Cantu. I fuckin' hate Bob Cantu.
GIZZ: Take him down brother!!
JEFF: He's going down. Anarchy is gonna kick his ass. He's Gizz' brother and he's sick of that guy fuckin' not mentioning us when he comes to our shows. Is that him at the door? Bob Cantu is a guy who should fear us. As long as Anarchy and DLP are on the fuckin' prowl, he's going down! He's really going down!
POOKIE: Any final comments on this shitty interview that went nowhere?
JEFF: I think that the interview pretty much went nowhere Pookie. Thanks for nothing and I'm glad we got your pizza for free so it didn't fuckin' have to come out of our pocket because we pretty much wasted a tape and our time. So thanks for nothing. Anybody else want to say anything?
STEVE: I've gotta pee.
GIZZ: Yeah. FUCK BOB CANTU!
POOKIE: Chris?
CHRIS: WAAAA!!!! (Sheep noise)
POOKIE: Ike say something?
JEFF: I think Ike fell and broke a hip.

Discography:
"Deep & Wide Live" CD/Big Lizard Records
"Lonely Street" CD/New Red Archives
"Turn Up The Suck!!" 7"/Fearless Records
"Smokin' Oldies" CS EP/ROWNLBL
For Sale/Dead Lazlo's Place split 7"/Fat Target Music
"Who The Fuck Is Thom?" 7"/Signal Sound Systems
"Shameless..." CS EP/Lazlo Music
"Angela" 7"/Lawsuit Records

DEAD LAZLO'S PLACE - PO BOX 4171
SUNLAND, CA 91041-4171
http://community.webtv.net/gizzlazlo/DEADLAZLOSPLACE9099
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